Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I think pants incapable of making pants work
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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