so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
