What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
