i was born a porn star she said
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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