I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
