if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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