Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
