Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
