just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
