Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
