i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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