just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
