I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
