I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
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You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
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I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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