The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
