i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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