you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
