Texts From Last Night

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  (972): View more from Texas

  Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world

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  (972): Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world http://tfl.nu/83f8
  Replies (36) Good night (7409) Bad night (1235)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week

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  (303): I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week http://tfl.nu/xhkj
  Replies (11) Good night (4283) Bad night (1669)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.

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  (630): He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together. http://tfl.nu/tn1p
  Replies (8) Good night (2929) Bad night (1711)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.

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  (978): i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies. http://tfl.nu/qg5x
  Replies (10) Good night (4659) Bad night (1780)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week

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  (813): peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week http://tfl.nu/lvga
  Replies (9) Good night (2416) Bad night (1283)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.

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  (+44): cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked. http://tfl.nu/v3oz
  Replies (3) Good night (2401) Bad night (553)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith

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  (705): I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith http://tfl.nu/hj9t
  Replies (3) Good night (968) Bad night (800)
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  (858): View more from California

  I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."

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  (858): I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave." http://tfl.nu/gasm
  Replies (14) Good night (1542) Bad night (639)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.

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  (978): there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point. http://tfl.nu/h06c
  Replies (4) Good night (666) Bad night (1261)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.

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  (720): We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out. http://tfl.nu/ioyx
  Replies (3) Good night (877) Bad night (349)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.

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  (706): Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time. http://tfl.nu/63oo
  Replies (3) Good night (1073) Bad night (304)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know

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  (727): You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know http://tfl.nu/dtxn
  Replies (6) Good night (734) Bad night (344)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.

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  (563): A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night. http://tfl.nu/qzkz
  Replies (4) Good night (371) Bad night (507)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?

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  (908): He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling? http://tfl.nu/dpwn
  Replies (9) Good night (551) Bad night (446)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.

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  (+44): Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that. http://tfl.nu/vjrp
  Replies (0) Good night (373) Bad night (183)

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