her vagina looked like bernie madoff
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
