i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.