Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
