what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
