So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
