I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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