you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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