omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
