He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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