I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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