Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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