1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
i believe in u and ur pee
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
