I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
