Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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