i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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