You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
