the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
