We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
