How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
