Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
