u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.