3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
You're right, stupid question.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.