she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.