it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.