My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.