seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
