Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
