How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize