I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
