You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I just googled if crying burns calories
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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