Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
All I want is dick and wine.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
