you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I think I am morally bankrupt
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
