Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
