Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
