Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
