Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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