What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I love having hate sex.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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