Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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