When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
