in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
