called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
