woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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