we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
