Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
