im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
