You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
