Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
