I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
