So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
