I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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