God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
