She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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