Umm I'm too high to move.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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