Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
