NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
