You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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