Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
