Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
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