I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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