sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
handjob tips. give me some.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
